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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

Get this…” said a guy to his friends “Last night while I was down at the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
“Did he get anything?” his buddies asked.
“Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts.
The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.
 
I went to a party last night. I had a few beers, followed by a few cocktails, followed by a few shots…

I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That’s when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.

Sure enough, there was a police roadblock on the way, but since it was a cab, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely and without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise since I had never driven a cab before. I don’t even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don’t know what to do with it.
 
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
Unknown Author

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