Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

[Aussie67]

Bill was cruising down a country road on his motorbike when a deer darted out in front of him. He swerved, lost control, and ended up in a ditch. Luckily, he wasn’t badly hurt, just a little dazed.

A shiny BMW pulled up alongside, and out stepped an absolutely stunning woman. “Are you OK?” she asked.

Bill rubbed his head. “I banged it a bit, but I think I’m fine.”

“Don’t be silly,” she said. “Jump in my car, I’m a nurse. I’ll patch you up, and you can warm up at my place just a couple miles away.”

Bill hesitated. “That’s really kind, but my wife wouldn’t be happy if I went home with a strange woman.”

The nurse smiled. “Nonsense! You could have a serious injury. I insist.”

So, Bill gave in, climbed into the BMW, and off they went. At her house, she cleaned his wound, bandaged him up, and even offered him a cold beer.

“I really shouldn’t,” said Bill. “My wife won’t like it.”

“Don’t be daft,” she laughed. “You’ve had a shock. A beer will calm you down.”

So Bill had the beer. Then she offered him another.

He shook his head. “Honestly, I'd better not. My wife REALLY won’t like it.”

Rolling her eyes, she asked, “Why do you keep worrying about your wife? Where is she, anyway?”

Bill took a sip of his beer, shrugged, and said, “As far as I know… she’s still in the ditch.”​

 

[Mach1 Driver]

A group of four-year-olds were trying hard to get used to school. The biggest challenge? The teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
“You need to use Big People words,” she reminded them.
“John, what did you do over the weekend?”
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People words!”
Then she asked Mitchell.
“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
“No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use Big People words!”
Then she asked little Johnny.
“I read a book,” he said.
“That’s WONDERFUL! What book did you read?”
Johnny thought very hard, puffed out his chest, and proudly said:
“Winnie the Sh*t.”

 

[Aussie67]

A newlywed couple meets with the pastor of a church they're interested in joining. After talking with him for a while, the pastor says, 'I would love to have you two as members of my church, but there is something I must ask of you before you can join. You have to abstain from sex for two weeks.'

"The couple agrees to these terms, and two weeks later they are meeting with the pastor again. 'So, how did it go?' he asks them.

Well, we almost made it the full two weeks, the husband answers, but yesterday she bent down to pick up a package of frozen vegetables and I was overcome with desire. I just couldn't help myself.

The pastor pauses for a moment and then says, 'Well, I'm sorry, but you are not welcome in my church.

I understand,' says the husband. 'We're not welcome in Costco anymore, either.​