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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble.

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.​
 
Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."

"Did he get anything?" his mate asked.

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of crushed nuts.

The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."​
 
Me. Do you ever get a shooting pain across you're body, Like someone's got a voodoo doll and they're stabbing you?​

Him. No

Me. How about now?
 
Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, "What's your name?" She responds with, "Yo Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, "Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo." The guy replies with, "No, it's Bubbles."
 
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?​
 
You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery.

"But", she asked, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?"

The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.

The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter, Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out".​
 
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