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Joke of the day - Add your jokes here

In a tutorial a psychology professor showed his four students, one each from Ireland, Scotland, Wales and England, an empty glass. "Imagine this is life", he said. He took some pebbles from his pocket and filled the glass to the brim. "Now, is it full?" he said. "Yes," they replied, at which point he took a handful of gravel, which trickled round the pebbles and also came up to the top of glass. "Now is it full?" he said. "Yes," they said. So took a handful of sand and poured it onto the gravel and pebbles, and naturally a substantial amount trickled in until it reached the top of the glass. "So, what's your conclusion?" said the professor. "Well," said the English student, "obviously it's that it's the little things that really give you a full life. "Not at all," said the Welsh student. "If you'd put the sand in first there'd have been no room for the gravel or pebbles. So the lesson is you must achieve the big things in your life if you want a full life." "But, you've both missed the point," said the Scottish student. "You have to give every aspect of your life its due priority, whether it's big or little." "So what do you think?" said the professor to the Irish student, who reached into his pocket and produced a bottle of Guinness. He removed the top, and poured some into the glass, then drank the rest, and said "No matter how full you think your life is there's always room for a drop of Guinness."​
 
Little Johnny tells his teacher that he found a dead cat.

How did you know it was dead, asks the teacher.

Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move, replied Johnny.

You did what screamed the teacher.

You know, I leaned over and went pssst in its ear and it just lay there and didn't move.​
 
Two old ladies sitting in church.
One leans over and whispers to the other "my butt is going to sleep."
"The other replies, "I know I have heard it snore three times."
 
A man told the doctor : "My wife's pregnant, but we haven't had sex in over a year. I don't understand it."
The doctor said : "It's what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy."
"What's a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man.
The doctor replied : "Well, somebody's obviously had it in for you"
 
A man boarded the first-class section of a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Murphy diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible evil curse that goes with it." The man inquired, “What is the curse?” "That would be Mr. Murphy."​
 
Ryan was being examined by old Doc Murphy, who, after a thorough examination said, "Yes, it is chronic evil which has deprived you of health and happiness." "Shh!" cautioned Ryan. "For heaven's sake doc, speak softly, the wife is sitting in the next room."
 
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