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Child Abuse or not?
- Thread starter Kats66Pny
- Start date
"apollard" said:
Sure didn't work for my kids. To keep them in the corner you had to pretty much sit on them.
They hit the "terrible twos" at about 18 months and until they were about 3 years old it was a night mare.
I finally got sick of it, bought a big paddle and made it very clear I would use it. Didn't need to use it more than once or twice and they got the message.
They are nine now and frankly seem to be outgrowing spanking and I find it more effective now to withhold things (Xbox, playing baseball, etc) for most of the stuff they could do wrong.
One thing I won't tolerate is talking back to me and / or being a discipline problem in school leading to bad grades.
They got a bad conduct mark...once.
They talked back to me once, maybe twice but they learned that lesson pretty quick. One evening one of them mouthed off to me and I stopped just short of back handing him on his a**, caught my composer and stopped just short of hitting him but I was seriously pissed and he knew it if I was mad enough to even consider hitting them. Never touched him but he got the message loud and clear since he hasn't been brave enough to try that since.
I think probably hot sauce and cold showers is going a little overboard myself. Let's put it this way, if my kids' school gave them a swat when they needed it I wouldn't be mad and probably give them another when they got home. If however, the school offical were making them eat hot sauce, I'd probably be kicking someone's a** as soon as I could get up to the school when I heard about it.
"RustyRed" said:
I think that you head the nail on the head with hammer with that statement. That is if someone else does it to your child and you find it offensive then it is wrong.
We have been very lucky with our daughter, mind you she is no angel, she gets great grades, involved in sports, and always gets the "pleasure to have in class" marks on the report card. But she is a typical teenager; has to be told more than once to do something and things like that. But the SWMBO and her can really get into at times, two dominant females going at it. I find it difficult to fight with her because she does not "play fair". As soon as she gets upset the tears start to flow. What can I say she will always be "Daddy's little girl".
fd
daveSanborn
Active Member
I've seen young parents place their children in timeout by sitting them in a corner. From what I've witnessed this doesn't work very well. As soon as mom/dad walks away so does the child and the disciplinary action needs to be immediately repeated.
I have my own version of "timeout". Grab the back of the offending child's shirt and bunch it up from the collar to the tail. The back of the shirt then acts like a "handle" for transporting the child to the nearest doorknob where the "handle" on the back of the shirt is placed over the knob and the child is left hanging there by their shirt. There is no pain or physical harm involved. I've never had to place a kid on a doorknob more than twice in their life.
The kids, all five of them, are for the most part all grown up and fondly recall their time spent in "daddy's version of timeout". Is it perfect parenting? Probably not, but it worked for me/them.
This is a totally objective topic,I was raised in the smack on the ass era(both teachers and parents) sometimes the smacks on the ass were with a thick yardstick or thin board--was it abuse? probably by todays standards, did it mentally affect me? who knows? I think it did help give me a distinct lesson of right and wrong and what was acceptable behavior. I was never beaten/broken bones type thing---I think it was the most common form of punishment in that time frame--(mid to late 60's) I truly believe we would be better off if children were disiplined a little more firmly than a "time-out" nowadays by their parents. Just my opinion---I believe a child needs to know there are repercussions for screwing up---but not beaten---also I think what this lady did was very disturbing and wrong.
manley
Member
My kids are pretty awesome, but when they screw up, they know they will have to sit in the same room with me for an indefinite amount of time while I lecture them. I ask them questions and try to get them to understand why they were wrong. They are pretty smart and I rarely have to even do this anymore.
When they were younger, if a little spat broke out over a toy or something, I took the toy and put them both on the couch even if only one of them was at fault. I told them that they are brothers and are supposed to be a team, not fighting each other. They never got the toy back by asking for it. I think they realize that I am way more stubborn than they are. Not giving into their pleas and sticking to my guns has been very effective, but in the beginning it was a ton of work. Very well worth it, though. I think I may have only ever spanked each of them one time...which I felt horrible about afterward. They are 10 and 13 years old now.
When they were younger, if a little spat broke out over a toy or something, I took the toy and put them both on the couch even if only one of them was at fault. I told them that they are brothers and are supposed to be a team, not fighting each other. They never got the toy back by asking for it. I think they realize that I am way more stubborn than they are. Not giving into their pleas and sticking to my guns has been very effective, but in the beginning it was a ton of work. Very well worth it, though. I think I may have only ever spanked each of them one time...which I felt horrible about afterward. They are 10 and 13 years old now.
Ponyman66
Yak, yak, yak
I gotta say that I greatly respect Steve's position. I've met his family at MBB. Yes his kids are VERY well mannered. What I respect is his opinion that while he doesn't believe in physical punishment (aka an a$$ whoopin (my phrase!), he doesn't question those that do. Too many people want to push their personal ideas on how to raise a child on everyone else. As has been repeatedly stated, every child is different. Personally, I was also raised in the era of of gettin my behind whooped at home OR at school. There were many times I went home from school with a behind lookin like a waffle from those "ventilation holes" in the teachers paddle...or principle's paddle! I usually got it again at home too. Talk about double jeopardy!!
I THINK I spanked my daughter ONE time in her whole life! She's now 22, graduating from college in May with a B.S. in (pre-med) biology and is looking forward to med school to be a pediatrician. I wore my son's behind OUT!! Didn't do a thing but hurt my hand! I took more psychological warfare efforts to have an affect. Bottom line, he's now 20, works hard at his job, has already earned company recognition awards, is well respected by his supervisors, AND has only been there a little over 4 months! He hasn't figured out what he truly wants to do with the rest of his life for a career, but he's headed in the right direction. Neither of my children do drugs, don't smoke, or are a prison number. My daughter does have a few drinks every now and again, but hey, she's an adult, not an alcoholic and waited until she was legally able to do so. She also doesn't do it in excess (okay, except for her 21st b-day!). They understand that they don't get, nor deserve, respect and courtesy if they're not willing to give it to others. That's the best a parent could hope for. Anything more is a bonus to be truly proud of!
I can't tell ya'll how many times we get called to a business or public place in reference to a parent "assaulting" their children. Sorry mister/miss busybody, a butt whoopin is NOT assault. It's called corporal punishment, and it's not illegal by a parent or guardian in this state. The comment was made about parents have to practice restraint and control (sorry if I've misquoted), and that is VERY true! If for nothing else, a spanking CAN come to the thin line between punishment and abuse. That's where control certainly comes in. Like Steve said though, don't try to tell me how to raise my children! When responding to a call such as I previously mentioned, it can be a difficult thing if not handled carefully. I try to locate the parent, talk to them AWAY from the child and courteously explain why I was called out. I certainly don't want to undermine a parents authority with THEIR children. I then explain that spanking a child is not illegal and simply suggest in the future they try to remove the child to a less public location before whoopin da butt! It's a shame because I guarantee the same people that call are the same ones complaining about someone else's child running wild and why doesn't the parent get control, all the while theirs are pure hell on wheels! If they're still around and want to know what I'm going to do/did, I simply tell them nothing illegal going on. They're usually "shocked" by this. Oh well sir/ma'am. I just enforce the laws, I don't make them. If you disagree with them. write your congressman. If you don't believe it's morally right, that's your right. The parent's right is to raise their child as they see fit within the law! Yeah, it's the politically correct way to say "mind your own damn business", but it works! hehehe
Interesting (and potentially explosive!) topic Kat!
I THINK I spanked my daughter ONE time in her whole life! She's now 22, graduating from college in May with a B.S. in (pre-med) biology and is looking forward to med school to be a pediatrician. I wore my son's behind OUT!! Didn't do a thing but hurt my hand! I took more psychological warfare efforts to have an affect. Bottom line, he's now 20, works hard at his job, has already earned company recognition awards, is well respected by his supervisors, AND has only been there a little over 4 months! He hasn't figured out what he truly wants to do with the rest of his life for a career, but he's headed in the right direction. Neither of my children do drugs, don't smoke, or are a prison number. My daughter does have a few drinks every now and again, but hey, she's an adult, not an alcoholic and waited until she was legally able to do so. She also doesn't do it in excess (okay, except for her 21st b-day!). They understand that they don't get, nor deserve, respect and courtesy if they're not willing to give it to others. That's the best a parent could hope for. Anything more is a bonus to be truly proud of!
I can't tell ya'll how many times we get called to a business or public place in reference to a parent "assaulting" their children. Sorry mister/miss busybody, a butt whoopin is NOT assault. It's called corporal punishment, and it's not illegal by a parent or guardian in this state. The comment was made about parents have to practice restraint and control (sorry if I've misquoted), and that is VERY true! If for nothing else, a spanking CAN come to the thin line between punishment and abuse. That's where control certainly comes in. Like Steve said though, don't try to tell me how to raise my children! When responding to a call such as I previously mentioned, it can be a difficult thing if not handled carefully. I try to locate the parent, talk to them AWAY from the child and courteously explain why I was called out. I certainly don't want to undermine a parents authority with THEIR children. I then explain that spanking a child is not illegal and simply suggest in the future they try to remove the child to a less public location before whoopin da butt! It's a shame because I guarantee the same people that call are the same ones complaining about someone else's child running wild and why doesn't the parent get control, all the while theirs are pure hell on wheels! If they're still around and want to know what I'm going to do/did, I simply tell them nothing illegal going on. They're usually "shocked" by this. Oh well sir/ma'am. I just enforce the laws, I don't make them. If you disagree with them. write your congressman. If you don't believe it's morally right, that's your right. The parent's right is to raise their child as they see fit within the law! Yeah, it's the politically correct way to say "mind your own damn business", but it works! hehehe
Interesting (and potentially explosive!) topic Kat!
blue65coupe
Well-Known Member
"Ponyman66" said:
lmao, has anyone else (as a parent administering punishment to their children in a public place) ever looked another "shocked" couple square in the eyes and asked, "You want some?"
I do, actually. She's an only child and hates being away from people. We put her in a corner when she misbehaves and she hates it, but accepts it as punishment. In the past year, as she's gotten older and better at reasoning (specifically in connecting the punishment to the offense), we've had to add other punishments, like confinement in her room, taking away of priveleges, and butt smacking for severe offenses. All in all, she's a pretty well behaved kid for a 4yr old. Much more so than I was, I'm sure, and definitely more so than the rest of my gf's friends' kids. We can take her out in public and not worry too much about her misbehaving. If she does, there are always corners wherever we go"apollard" said:
But I do understand that not all kids are like that. Some kids won't respond at all to the same punishment, and some do need to be swatted in the ass/knuckles/whatever periodically. I'm not against that, but I'm glad I don't need to do that very often.
apollard
Active Member
"daveSanborn" said:
LMAO. And filing the technique away for future reference.
This morning, he decided to bite me when I wouldn't give him what he wanted. I caught him before he got the teeth on me, and lifted him with one hand by the back of his shirt. Held him there and smiled at him for a minute or so. Asked him if he wanted to bite Daddy again?
NO was all he said.
The boy is full of testoterone, so the only thing that gets his attention when he's pissed is the alpha dog. Although, he'll stare you down, so don't blink. When it's necessary to spank him, he sits on my knee while I explain it. Frankly, the anticipation works better for him - if I didn't make him do that, I think he'd just tough it out.
Pretty sure I'll be using the door knob trick.
It's 100% correct that every child is different. Even sometimes your own kids can be different.
Case in point are people like my aunt and uncle. They have three kids, two boys and a girl. Their parenting worked great for the older two...they are well adjusted adults raising their own kids now.
The youngest boy though...they clearly needed to change their strategy with him but they didn't and he has spent his entire adult life in and out of prison for drug related offenses, car theft, burglary, etc, etc.
One of mine I can just say something sternly to him and he'll straighten up most of the time. The other one...not so much.
The paddle is the only thing that worked for my kids but I didn't have to use it more than once or twice...and they needed a reminder a few times along the way but not often.
Often it's just a matter of them knowing you're serious about it. They used to behave in the grocery line thinking I wouldn't spank them when I was in public in the check out line. I got their attention one time when they were about three or four years old and we left the line and headed to the restroom. Never had to say a word to them in a check out line since.
Case in point are people like my aunt and uncle. They have three kids, two boys and a girl. Their parenting worked great for the older two...they are well adjusted adults raising their own kids now.
The youngest boy though...they clearly needed to change their strategy with him but they didn't and he has spent his entire adult life in and out of prison for drug related offenses, car theft, burglary, etc, etc.
One of mine I can just say something sternly to him and he'll straighten up most of the time. The other one...not so much.
The paddle is the only thing that worked for my kids but I didn't have to use it more than once or twice...and they needed a reminder a few times along the way but not often.
Often it's just a matter of them knowing you're serious about it. They used to behave in the grocery line thinking I wouldn't spank them when I was in public in the check out line. I got their attention one time when they were about three or four years old and we left the line and headed to the restroom. Never had to say a word to them in a check out line since.
apollard
Active Member
Mine's 3, loves going to Lowes for supplies, but does not want to ride in the cart at the Lowes. OK, but you stay right by Daddy. First time he took off, I turned around and walked the other way. I got halfway down the aisle before I heard little feet booking it to Daddy. It took a couple of times, but he's convinced I'll just leave him there if he runs off. Never more than 15 feet from me in a store.
The key is to not look back (you won't need to, you'll hear them coming), just turn and walk.
The key is to not look back (you won't need to, you'll hear them coming), just turn and walk.
I've done the same thing apollard. Works like a charm.
One thing I've found is that raising twin boys is an adventure to say the least. They are 9 1/2 and I haven't killed them, yet........just kidding. They are good kids but they are all boy and things can get rowdy at my house from time to time.
One thing the wife doesn't get is that sometimes they are going to be little boys and if they are stuck inside all day, etc they are going to get a little hyper. I don't spank them for things like that just find ways to redirect them and keep them busy playing games or whatever. She however thinks screaming at them is effective parenting...not.
Now that they are getting a little older the best thing I've found is to have one of their friends over since it keeps them busy and somewhat out of trouble. Even better is when they go to a friend's house to play.
I'm seriously looking forward to the Spring. The winter is tough with two little ones stuck inside a lot. During the rest of the year though if you get them out to play baseball or ride bikes or play football, etc it tends to make them more calm. It was really great when they were training for a fun run at school. After a mile to mile and a half on the track they are super easy to deal with, LOL!
One thing I've found is that raising twin boys is an adventure to say the least. They are 9 1/2 and I haven't killed them, yet........just kidding. They are good kids but they are all boy and things can get rowdy at my house from time to time.
One thing the wife doesn't get is that sometimes they are going to be little boys and if they are stuck inside all day, etc they are going to get a little hyper. I don't spank them for things like that just find ways to redirect them and keep them busy playing games or whatever. She however thinks screaming at them is effective parenting...not.
Now that they are getting a little older the best thing I've found is to have one of their friends over since it keeps them busy and somewhat out of trouble. Even better is when they go to a friend's house to play.
I'm seriously looking forward to the Spring. The winter is tough with two little ones stuck inside a lot. During the rest of the year though if you get them out to play baseball or ride bikes or play football, etc it tends to make them more calm. It was really great when they were training for a fun run at school. After a mile to mile and a half on the track they are super easy to deal with, LOL!
blue65coupe
Well-Known Member
"apollard" said:
Sounds like my 2 year old boy. Holy cow. At one point and time he liked to hit when he was told "no". Spankings didn't work, talking to him and staring him down didn't work, it seemed like nothing would work. Finally I decided he would get what he gave. If he hit me in the chest, he got a pop on the chest. If he went for the nose, he got it back. The first time I ever did it back I got a "WTH?" look and it only took 2 more times before he stopped. Never done it again.