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TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS

Discussion in 'Non Mustang General Discussion' started by FordDude, Nov 2, 2018.

  1. FordDude

    FordDude Well-Known Dude Staff Member Moderator

    1.
    Never take a beer to a job interview.

    2.
    Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

    3.
    It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

    4.
    If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

    5.
    Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

    DINING OUT

    1.
    If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

    2.
    Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs

    ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

    1.
    A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

    2.
    Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

    PERSONAL HYGIENE

    1.
    While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

    2.
    Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

    3.
    Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

    DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)

    1.
    Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

    2.
    Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'

    3.
    Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

    4.
    Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'

    WEDDINGS

    1.
    Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

    2.
    Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

    3.
    For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

    4.
    Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

    5.
    It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE

    1.
    Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

    2.
    When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

    3.
    Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

    4.
    When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

    5.
    Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

    6.
    Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

    TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:

    1.
    All the DNA is the same.

    2.
    There are no dental records

    fd
     
    RapidRabbit likes this.
  2. msell66

    msell66 Burning Fossil Fuels Donator

    Well, I sure did miss some of those


    Mark
     
  3. KBMWRS

    KBMWRS What did the moron say today?

    Well I’m guilty of one of those. Although it wasn’t the funeral prosession I did lay rubber with my 67 at JohnPro’s funeral. I thought he would appreciate it
     
  4. 3175375

    3175375 Well-Known Member

    Good on you, Mike and I would concur that John would approve
     
  5. guruatbol

    guruatbol Always on vacation!

    Never take a beer to a job interview is right, take two!

    Mel

    Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk
     
    RapidRabbit, janschutz and msell66 like this.

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