Friday humor

[daveSanborn]

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

 

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

 

FOR EXAMPLE:

 

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

 

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

 

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

 

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

 

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

 

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[Midlife]

This is a classic example of: What's good for the gander is good for the goose!

[blue65coupe]

Advocating premarital sex is never a funny thing.  If you wanted to be funny you should've used husband/wife...
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or said, "Pat is straight"

[Starfury]

heheh

[cmayna]

Dave,
That's a good one.

[Waffles]

verr nice!

[garner67]

WoW, that picture of Craig in his mankini is amazing... I can't believe how fast he can grow his mustache!

Here's another pic of Craig making a mankini fashion statement...


.

[Fast68back]

Advocating premarital sex is never a funny thing.  If you wanted to be funny you should've used husband/wife...

Would you buy a car without test driving it?

[Gigantopithecus]

Advocating premarital sex is never a funny thing.  If you wanted to be funny you should've used husband/wife...

Would you buy a car without test driving it?

LOL, I thought I was the only one who thought that.

[blue65coupe]

Would you buy underwear without trying them on first?

[napaguy]

I dont wear underwear :naughty

[Fast68back]

Would you buy underwear without trying them on first?

Yes, but I wont wear them till I wash them. Underwear dont last as long as car and wives

[Gigantopithecus]

Nor is underwear as expensive as cars and wives.....especially wives.