Author Topic: non-obscenity at work rules---humorous--been around before--still funny (Read 477 times)

Flysure1 · « **on:** September, 08, 2009, 04:32:57 PM »

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Cussing at Work

Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout
the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue
in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I
think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She's
an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps
I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I'm
certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way..

Number 5

TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps
you should check with....

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I
wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That's
interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I'm
not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I'll
try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He's
not familiar with the issues...

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: Excuse
me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So
you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14

TRY SAYING: I'm
a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I
don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I
love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You
want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He's
somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Gigantopithecus · « **Reply #1 on:** September, 08, 2009, 05:42:51 PM »

Hmmm...I just realized that I use all the wrong words at work...Ahh F__k it..

silverblueBP · « **Reply #2 on:** September, 08, 2009, 06:15:18 PM »

Back in my stupidvising days I tried some of those, they stood there with blank looks on their faces until I threw in some expletives :doh

daveSanborn · « **Reply #3 on:** September, 09, 2009, 06:09:07 AM »

The office manager here at work is a lady who's given first name is no-shit.... "Kitty". Not short for Katherine, her parents named her after the cat instead. She's a sweet lady that spends most of her time volunteering at her church when not here at the office. Her desk is stategically placed in the center of a large work area that I affectionally refer to as "the pit". It's where all of the rest of the girls sit.... I have a private office elsewhere within the building, but her area is the hub of our daily operations. On her desk is a "swear" cup. Infractions cost you a dollar. Using the word "Damn" will cost you a dollar. "What the hell" ???.... that'll be another dollar.

I've learned to temper my vocabulary while in her area, but I'm a regular contributor to her "swear" cup. On more than one occasion a simple slip of the tongue and using the expression "damn it" while standing over the copier machine has led to her pointing to the cup. Which has invaribly led to me saying "What the hell? "Damn it" is not a swear sword!"..... which has led to her reminding me that it's now up to $3..... which leads to me breaking out a $10 or $20 and standing over the cup swearing with a smile on my face until my pocket cash is depleted.