Finally filed for divorce...on my 13th anniversary no less...

[blu67]

Yeah. Didn't plan on it but I realized while I was waiting in line to file paperwork that it was my 13th anniversary. Irony, huh?
Well, at least the process has started. It took me a while as I kept not wanting to disrupt the somewhat even keeled home life (she still lives with me as she is unemployed...) when she saw that I filed for sole custody. I kept hoping that she would sober up for a change and show that she wanted her kids. Didn't happen. I couldn't wait any longer. I need to move on and her behavior is killing me and our kids.
Strangely, she has been sober since I told her I filed...(only a week, but it's something) She has been telling her friend, who has been texting me on the sly (her friend thinks she's nuts too) that if she continues to pass the three times weekly urine tests, she'll be fine with a judge granting her joint custody. Probably right, but eventually the drinking on Friday and Saturday with just enough time to pass a test on Monday will eventually catch up with her.
I have always said that I just want her healthy and to jointly raise our kids but I have to keep them safe and her recent behavior hasn't been.
We'll see how it goes moving forward. I'm just glad I have started the process. Came as a bit of a surprise to her even though she was the one who wanted the divorce in the first place......wish me luck.

[Flysure1]

Sorry for your situation, you have to do what is best for the kids.   Good luck.

[RapidRabbit]

Well I am sorry and happy for you at the same time. It isn't any easy thing to do, but sounds like it is the right thing to do. You have to think about the kids and what's best for all of you.

I hope all goes well for you.

[blue65coupe]

Good luck man.  Thoughts and prayers are with all of 'ya.

[SAC69]

Good luck, I hope custody works out in your favor.

[cmayna]

Chris,
Following your issue for some time now, the writing was on the wall for the decisions/actions you have taken and it seems the best for you, the kids and hopefully in time their mom.  Stay strong.

[Sacbill]

Sorry to hear about this, and wishing you the best. 

[RustyRed]

Sorry to hear it came to that but happy for you at the same time.

Sometimes there are people who are just not healthy to have in you or your kids' life.  Some people are just like having an anchor tied around your neck and they are always trying to drag you down with them.

Make sure to document as much as possible the drinking, etc and that you are the one that can provide a stable home for the kids.

Drunks can stay sober for a short while but it always catches up with them.

[KBMWRS]

Good luck with it all Chris. History sounds like she will manipulate the system if she can.

[Fast68back]

Good for you Chris!

[70 StangMan]

Good Luck Chris...it looks like you are the road to happier days my friend. 

[blu67]

Thanks, everyone. My big worry is how I can document the days of drinking. At this point, I'm just keeping notes of the dates but without any proof, what judge is going to believe me? If she continues to pass the pee tests, I can only see the judge ruling in her favor and then that solves nothing. She's still not being the mom I know she can be.
I might need to get some free legal advice...

[AzPete]

Credit card and store receipts for alcohol purchases, statements from sales clerks, security video from stores for a few ideas. How about a couple nanny cams around the house. Call the law if her being drunk creates a hazard....this gives a police report.

Sorry to hear this but it is time for you to really get serious in the solution. If she is still living in the same house as you, there could be repercussions for that during the divorce.

[67 evil eleanor]

Things will be better. Witnesses in court will go a long way. "If" you have the opportunity to call law enforcement while she's drunk, then do it. Get the officer(s) name and document the date and time and then you can have them subpoenaed to testify. It will only take a few events of this to show any common sense judge what's in the best interest of the kids. Hang in there, better days are on the way.

[RustyRed]

Video tape her when she's passed out, police report is a great idea, eye witness testimony is also a good way...surely several others are aware of her problem.

If she tends to go to the same store to buy booze then a chat with the owner / clerk might be useful.

Or, see if your attorney can arrange a pee test that is not on a regularly scheduled day (say Saturday morning for example)...seems the test are kind of stupid and pointless if she knows they are a certain day every week.

Worse case, she'll get joint custody and screw up sooner or later.

My buddy initially had a situation where his ex had primary custody of his two boys.  She called one afternoon to ask if they could come to his house that evening because she had plans.  He said sure.  Ex dropped off the kids then didn't come back for two weeks, no call, nothing.  Guess she went partying or something.  But at any rate she showed up two weeks later and wanted the kids back and he said over my dead body.  Didn't take him long or much effort after that incident to get full custody and then for good measure he moved out of state.

[opentrackerSteve]

Sorry to hear about your situation, Chris, but life goes onward and forward.

I am going to send you a PM.

[KBMWRS]

Chris, get one of these and wear it when she has a episode. Can record 10 hours.

http://www.looxcie.com/overview?gclid=CN3Gw965mKwCFcqa7QoddltKLg

[blu67]

Yeah, it'll be real tough to prove anything. She has developed a keen sense on how to hide it mostly. She hides everything and rarely has it with her when she is passed out.
She has left for days at a time before without letting me know where she is....but once again, proof needed.
The tough part is wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt that this time she will clean up her act for good. I really don't want our kids to grow up without their mommy.....unfortunately, they shouldn't have to grow up with her like this either.
I have truly given throwing her out a thought but she has no friends to stay with and nowhere to go. It makes it difficult when u don't want to add to the homeless problem and when she is sober she provides excellent care to our kids.
I have proof as late as October 5th. Emailed it to myself for protection.

[RapidRabbit]

It is hard to think about, but maybe tossing her out is necessary. She may need to hit bottom to realize what's she is doing to herself and to the kids. If you make it easy on her she will never get better.

One thing I will say is make sure the kids know it is not their fault and that it is a disease. I grew up with an alcoholic father and it can be hard for the kids to understand it.


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[AzPete]

I agree....toss her out....how is it excellent care if you never know when she starts drinking? Feeling sorry for her will only hurt your case.

[classicdoug]

Good for you for taking a stand.  It might be hard now, but it will be much better for the kids later.   Hopefully it will all work out in the end.

Doug

[opentrackerSteve]

Keep a journal.

[Kats66Pny]

What about hiring a private investigator to follow her around for a week or so making notes, taking video, etc. Then have the PI testify and have proof to show the judge. 

[apollard]

Get one of these. Fairly cheap, easy to use, works very well. Will show everywhere she goes, speed and her stops & how long she was there, mapped on Google earth. Kinda hard to say you're not drinking if you are at a bar / liquor store a time of two a week - regardless of what the pee test says.

http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=tracking+key&rls=com.microsoft:en-us&oe=UTF-8&startIndex=&startPage=1&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=221531098415312550&sa=X&ei=r52yTtPON5TMtgeS0tjWAw&ved=0CHMQ8wIwAg#

[RustyRed]

Yeah, it'll be real tough to prove anything. She has developed a keen sense on how to hide it mostly. She hides everything and rarely has it with her when she is passed out.
She has left for days at a time before without letting me know where she is....but once again, proof needed.
The tough part is wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt that this time she will clean up her act for good. I really don't want our kids to grow up without their mommy.....unfortunately, they shouldn't have to grow up with her like this either.
I have truly given throwing her out a thought but she has no friends to stay with and nowhere to go. It makes it difficult when u don't want to add to the homeless problem and when she is sober she provides excellent care to our kids.
I have proof as late as October 5th. Emailed it to myself for protection.

Fact is you cannot "make" a drunk sober up.  They have to hit bottom and want it for themselves bad enough and there is no short cuts.

If facing a divorce due to her habits hasn't been enough of a slap in the face then sometimes all you can do is stop enabling them, step out of the way and let  them start to reap the consequences of their actions.  Eventually they'll hit bottom and want to change.

I like the idea of having a PI follow her and document trips to the liquor store, etc.  They would likely also be able to wire the house with nanny cams and things of that nature.